Balance of Power part 5 NC-17   by Kadi and Kat

~~~~~~

The men ended up in the holodeck, running the old Sandrine’s program. As they sat, Tay poured them drinks. “You can’t beat yourself up over this my friend. While I would have given anything to protect her, she made her choice.”

Chakkers slammed his drink down on the table. “She shouldn’t have had to make that decision. Why did she make that decision?”

“Chakotay, you know as well as I do that it wasn’t a choice for her. Not in the conventional sense. She knew what she was getting into and made the only decision she could live with. Call it damage control.”

“Damage control. Spirits how can you talk like that. Like you even have any idea what my daughter is like.”

“True. I don’t know her as well as you do. But I do know your Ryn better than you think. I may not have watched her grow as you have, but I’ve seen how she thinks, and how she acts. She’s Kathryn to the core, but she’s also wonderfully unique. I’m proud to think of her as a daughter.”

“She’s not your daughter, she’s mine and I let her down. How could I not see what she was going through?”

Tay clamped his hand down on Chakker’s. “You can’t convince me you didn’t know something was wrong the minute you saw her. I saw your face on that view screen, read your concern. You respected her enough not to make a scene, just as you respect her right to make her own decisions. It doesn’t mean you don’t care, or don’t want to know what’s happening in her life, you just respect her rights. She will turn to you when she’s ready. She was and is protecting you just as she did us. You can understand that or you wouldn’t be so angry with yourself.”

“Don’t patronize me! It’s my job to protect her and I failed at it.”

“Well, so did I. I allowed your daughter to be caught up in that situation. I was unable to stop her from being taken. And I hate myself for being grateful it wasn’t my Kathryn or my Hope.” Chakkers’ head snapped up at that and he focused in on Tay’s words. “That’s right. I was grateful it wasn’t my girls, even as my heart was breaking for Ryn. I’ve put someone I love back together after a soul stealing rape, and I faced a similar nightmare with my daughter. I was so afraid, and so angry when I almost lost Hope. I raged at the injustice of it. Would she be fragile and lost and unbearably broken, or would she deny it all as my Kathryn had? I wasn’t certain, and then when I got Hope back and discovered that she hadn’t experienced a violent assault as I had envisioned but had actually fallen in love with and made love to her captor, I was furious. I think I could have handled that betrayal even more. For the first time in my life I understood something my wife had tried to explain to me during our hard times. It’s harder to accept the betrayal of someone you trust rather than an act of violence from a stranger. It took a long time for me to accept that Hope was an adult capable of making her own decisions, and even longer to accept the fact that Kalin replaced me as the man in her life, the one she shared her secrets and concerns with. Ryn does that with Dare. You’ve recognized that and backed away because of it. It doesn’t mean you care any less. Frankly, if Hope wanted to confide in me again, I would love it, but I’m not certain I would understand it any longer.”

Chakkers was silent for a moment. “You said Ryn made the decision she could live with… what did you mean?”

“When we all came too, we were given some clues. Ryn and Kathryn had similar reactions to being bound. I knew Kate had major issues with being bound, she has had for many years, but Ryn, Ryn was lost, trapped in some dark place. You could see it in the stark terror on her face. Kathryn was able to pull her back somehow, I think they recognized the victim in each other and determined to be strong for the other. When the guards came into the room and headed for the twins, we all pretty much knew what was at stake. Kathryn reacted instantly drawing attention to herself, but Ryn subverted her, taking command of the situation. It was amazing in a way.” He gave Chakkers a sad smile. “It reminded me of Kathryn when she was younger. That ‘Damn the torpedos and anything for the crew’ attitude. But you could see in her eyes that she knew what she was agreeing to. As if running it through her brain, she realized that she had survived it once and could do so again. I think at that point she would have done everything to keep the others from facing those particular demons, and she did. There were a couple of times when it overwhelmed her, hell it overwhelmed us all at some point, but you could see her finding a way to drive it back. And through it all she kept assuring us as well as herself that she would survive, that Dare would help her survive.” He sighed and took a sip of his drink. “She’s a lot like Kathryn in that respect, but she also has us in her. We are all survivors or we wouldn’t be here.”

“Did you kill the bastards that attacked your wife?”

Tay thought of pretending not to understand the question, but decided against it. “No. You see, I couldn’t. I’m the one who hurt my wife. It was the catalyst that brought us together.”

Chakkers stared at him, stunned. “Kathryn and I had a moment, a time when fear and anger bested us. Spirits know I wanted to hurt her, force her to acknowledge us, but somehow reason finally plowed through the haze. When I realized what I had done and what I had almost done, I could barely live with myself. I couldn’t do it, I loved her too much. How could you?”

Tay stared out the view port for a long moment. “I did it because I loved her. Our situation had nothing to do with anger between us. Rather we were in a bad situation. I had a choice between raping my Captain and allowing someone else the chance. We chose me. In many ways it was harder for both of us to deal with the after effects than it would have been had it worked out the other way.” His eyes met Chakkers’. “Hope was the result of that one act. It took a long time for both of us to overcome it, but we did. When Hope was born, we were able to celebrate her for the blessing she was, rather than as a reminder of things best forgotten. It took time, it always does. Ryn will find a way too. Not because it was any less traumatic, but because she’s strong, and loved.” He reached out once more, his hand gripper his friend’s. “Be what you’ve always been to her. Be her father, someone who loves her for who she is, not for what she does. That’s all they ever need, believe it or not.”

Chakkers was about the respond when the doors of the holodeck opened up. Hesitating in the doorway was the young woman they were discussing. Tay waved her over to them.

As Ryn came closer, she hesitated again. She had interrupted something, but she wasn’t sure what. “I’m sorry, I didn’t check to see if it was in use before I entered.”

Both men hushed her apology. Chakkers reached out, offerring a hand. Ryn looked at it a moment before accepting it. He drew her to him and into his lap. At first she stiffened, then she relaxed. She knew this hug as one her father used when he needed comforting, and she drew from it as well.

Chakotay held her for several moments, before kissing her head. “When I hold you like this, I can almost pretend you are still a small girl and I can protect you from the universe.” He pushed her back a bit and met her eyes. “But you’re not, and I couldn’t be more proud of the woman you’ve become.”

Tears filled her eyes and she shook her head. “Daddy…”

“Shhh… I don’t know where you learned to doubt yourself my Ryn, but you are perfect to me. You don’t have to protect me baby, but you don’t have to talk to me either. I just want you to know that I love you no matter what, and I’ll always be here if you need me.”

Tears spilled down her cheeks and she fell into him, her arms wrapping tightly around his neck. She held on for a long time, simply absorbing the familiar smell of daddy and the strength of him, the security he offered. Finally, she pulled back and kissed his cheek. “When you hold me Daddy, I feel like you could protect me from everything. Then reality kicks in and I realize that sometimes I have to be the protector.” She hugged him again. “Dare told me that you know now, at least some of it.” Her eyes met his before glancing at Tay. “I know you are worried about me, but I’ll be okay. It’s just going to take me some time to work it all out in my head.”

Chakkers cupped her face, turning her back to him. “If you need to talk…”

She smiled a sad little smile, and stood. “I know. And I appreciate the offer. Like I said though, first I have to work it out here.” As she tapped her head, the men stood. Her father hugged her again.

“I figure that’s why you’ve come to the holodeck.” At her nod, he glanced at Tay. “I think then we will leave you to it, that is unless you want company?” The comment was hopeful as well as resigned.

Ryn tucked her hands behind her back. “Not at the moment. Thanks though.”

A final glance was exchanged between the father’s and they left the room, allowing the young woman the time she sought.

As the holodeck doors closed behind them, Ryn called up her favorite program. Barely thinking, she altered the perameters to that of a stormy midnight beach. The waves crashed wildly on the shore as a storm rumbled over the water. Allowing the feel of it to wash over her, she glanced at the long pier overlapping the waves. It would be a good place to think, but first she needed to do something else. After a few stretches, she began to run along the shoreline, once more absorbed in her thoughts.

~~~~~

Kate sat in the readyroom of yet another Voyager sipping coffee. She had transported over with Ryn's mother, hoping the two of them could talk. Also, this ship seemed a little less crowded than the other ship. Her team was working with this crew too to bring them up to speed as well so it worked. After several minutes of watching Katie pace the room, she sighed and coughed to get her counterparts attention.

Katie sighed and sat, sipping distractedly at her coffee. "Sorry. Wired I guess... and furious. I can't believe she didn't tell me. So many heartbreaks and I'm only privy to the most basic information. I knew she'd been through some rough stuff a few years ago, but she never told me all of it." She glanced up, a sheen of tears in her eyes. "Maybe I never wanted to know... maybe I was afraid of what I would find out, and when she didn't say anything, I let myself believe it had been like it had been with the Cardassians. A little torture and mind games, but nothing as soul stripping as rape."

Kate nodded. "It's hard as a parent to accept an unwanted reality for our children. I've been there, where Ryn is, and I never want to think about it again, much less experience it. Nor would I wish it on anyone. However basing my experiences with my personality, and the fact that in essence we, my dear, are extremely private individuals who don't talk about anything unless pushed, is it any wonder that Ryn is the same?" Katie tipped her head to the side as she considered that information, but made no comment. Kate sighed and tried again. "When Hope was taken from me, I imagined the worst. I lived with this image in my head of what could possibly be happening to my little girl, and Kalin, the big dunce, did everything in his power to convince me that the worst was exactly what was happening. Even so, he did it all to protect Hope. Hope on the other hand took a lot of pushing and prodding before she finally admitted the details of what happened while she was away from us. I realized later, after I had calmed down that she thought she needed to protect me from things she thought I didn't need to know about. Also, she was ashamed. She felt that she had done something to shame us and that it would color how we saw her. I think your Ryn is much the same. Not only is she protecting herself, her privacy, but she's also protecting you. Maybe even on some level, she's afraid her actions will shame you."

Katie sighed and dropped her head to table. "Nothing that girl could do would shame me. I can imagine all sorts of things that would upset me, even infuriate me, perhaps disappoint me, but I can't imagine being ashamed of her, especially for something she has no control over."

"Personally, I think you are reassuring the wrong person. Perhaps you should talk to your daughter?"

"I can't talk to Ryn, perhaps I can get Chakotay to talk to her. She's always more receptive to him anyway."

"Shame on you Kathryn Janeway." Katie's head snapped up and her eyes locked with Kate's furious ones. "Isn't that the whole point of this? You can't talk to Ryn, Ryn can't talk to you. Of course she's more at ease with Chakotay, he makes the effort. Are you sure you're not scared that maybe Ryn is ashamed of you?"

Katie jumped as if slapped. Her mouth opened slowly, then closed, only to repeat the actions again. Finally she shook her head. "Maybe... but she's so damn stubborn, and stiff. So controlled when I try to talk to her. I don't know where to begin." She stood and walked over to the viewport, staring out sightlessly.

Kate took another sip of her coffee. "Funny..." As Katie turned, Kate gave her an encouraging smile. "That's exactly what Ryn says of you."

Katie blinked, even as her hand rose to tap her combadge. "Computer, location of Kathryn Chakotay?"

"Kathryn Chakotay is in holodeck one."

She nodded as if in response and headed toward the door, a quiet "thank you," slipping out as she left.

Kate smiled again. "Good luck," she whispered, and went in search of her own child.

The doors to the holodeck opened on a familiar scene, one Katie hadn't seen in a long time. The memory nagged at her a bit then sharpened into focus. This was a replica of the beach on which she and Chakotay had first encountered the creature that would become Ryn. There were a few changes from what she remembered, but the elemental scene suited her mood. One of the changes was a long wooden pier. It led from a platform on the entryway to a point about fifty feet into the water. The turbulent winds tossed angry waves about while bright flashes of lightening lit up the night sky. It was during one of those flashes that she noticed the solitary figure leaning against the rail at the sea end of the pier. She walked forward hesitantly, watching to see how her presence would be received. The girl didn't move, even when her mother moved beside her and mimicked her stance at the rail. She stood for a moment, waiting to see if there would be any response. She closed her eyes against the hurt that welled up in her. Her head dropped a few notches and tears welled up in her eyes. It was obvious her child wasn't going to open up to her, so why bother. Even as the thought entered her head, another followed it. Isn't that what you've always said Kathryn? Isn't that what you've always done? Perhaps she's standing there waiting, just like you, thinking the exact same thing. She took a deep breath and watched the angry waves for a moment and let it all go. "The first time I saw this place it scared the hell out of me. My first instincts screamed at me to run. But Chakotay... he seemed to know immediately that we were about to embark on something special. He opened his heart to it, unquestioningly." A soft sigh whispered in the air, and she was uncertain who it had come from. "You're father... he just knew. He seemed to understand exactly what we were agreeing to. Me on the other hand, I figured I was freeing a life form that would be about as dependant on me as any other member of my crew. Maybe needing a bit of guidance like Seven, or humoring like Neelix, or even the mother figure I had sort of adapted with Harry. I never expected to be a mother. You scared the hell out of me, especially at first. All I could think was that I had agreed to accept responsibility for a being, a fascinatingly unique being that we knew absolutely nothing about. What were you? What would you become? I had all these questions and so few answers. In the moments before and after your birth, you seemed to know all the answers, and then, in a matter of hours you began to forget, become more and more like the small child you represented. You seemed so much like me, even then, it scared me. And I'm not one to like being scared. You had this way about you though, all sweet and innocent and so perfect... I melted. I couldn't help it. I had always loved children, always wanted them, I just never expected them, couldn't see them trapped on a starship in the middle of nowhere, and now I had one. Its no excuse really, but I barely had time to adjust to that fact, when I found out I was pregnant. Suddenly I was overwhelmed. Chakotay took over then, teaching you, guiding you, trying to give me the time I needed to cope... and you, you defied reason. No one could keep track of you. We finally had the doctor put a subdermal locator on you." Ryn had focused her attention on her mother during this time, and a slight smile creased her face. Kathryn smiled too at the memory. "It seems you just wanted, or needed to be near us. I of course was adamant that children not be on the bridge, but you were stubborn. I had a three year old climbing through Jefferies tubes and corridors. Someone would notify us that you were missing, and not 15 minutes later we would find you asleep on the couch in my readyroom, or in Chakotay's office. That or you would come out of one of those rooms and curl up at Chakotay's feet. I of course would get so angry. But your father, he would pick you up, and take you back to where you were supposed to be. Once Phoebe was born, we had a few weeks peace. You wouldn't leave her if we weren't there. Of course I nearly had a heart attack when we were called and told not only were you missing, but Phoebe as well. Sure enough, not 20 minutes later, you stumbled off the turbolift, your little arms wrapped tightly around Phoebe, and her tied to you somehow. We never did figure out how you managed it. Chakotay pulled you aside after that and asked you to never carry Phoebe around again. You didn't understand at first, kept telling him she was yours, but he finally made you understand that you were too little to carry her, but that didn't mean he didn't need you to watch her. In fact he gave you an express mission, to keep an eye on Phoebe, to keep her safe. I still don't understand it, but he was able to make you understand. You didn't try to come to the bridge again until Phoebe could walk, then he was again able to convince you it that you were putting her in danger, and you never were one to endanger your sister."

Ryn didn't move, but her lips twitched slightly at the corners. "Now I can't get rid of her."

The silence that fell over them was oddly comforting, and yet Kathryn could still feel the lack of connection. Her daughter would simply not open up to her. The longer the silence built, the more frustrated she became. Doubts plagued her, this was something she had never been good at, at least where Ryn was concerned. Again she sighed and took another leap of faith. Her voice calm, barely above a whisper, she asked "Why don't you talk to me?" She waited her breath held, hoping against hope that the girl would open up to her. Her eyes closed as the words tumbled forth, slowly at first before increasing in strength and speed. They weren't what she expected, but it was a start.

"Have you ever been so torn in a decision that you were lost, no... that you lost yourself?" She paused, not really expecting an answer, mearly forming her thoughts. "I can't regret the decision, only the consequences. It seems I am constantly guiding my life by someone else's rules. Doing what is expected of me, being the protector, the teacher, the leader. Just once I want to be the protected, the taught, the follower. It seems I've always been responsible for someone else, always based my decisions on someone else's needs. I don't regret helping, I never do. I feed on the need, but sometimes... sometimes
it drains me more than I ever imagined, and I hate myself for allowing the fear and the anger to eat at me. And then I hate myself for that as well."


The silence resumed for a moment and Kathryn hesitated to break it, this time uncertain how to respond. But Ryn didn't seem to need a response. She stared out at the storm as if trying to see beyond it.


Finally she spoke again. "I thought Dare would ground me, pull me back to myself as he has always done, but it was different somehow, and I'm not certain if it was him, or me. I think maybe its me and I'm more broken this time then he can fix." Her eyes were filled with tears as she met Kathryn's. "Have you ever been that broken Mommy?"


Kathryn's heart broke yet again at her daughters words. She closed her eyes, and reacted on instinct, the same instinct she had been following since she entered this holodeck. She pulled her daughter close, holding her and stroking her hair. "I'm there now baby. You are hurting and I'm not sure what to say and how to help. It seems I'm always here with you, unsure of where to step for fear of screwing up. I've made decisions, many of which have caused me to doubt not only myself, but also the decisions. There have been times when I've been so lost that I couldn't remember who I was much less my purpose, but I've always found my way. Most of those times it took someone else to remind me of the path, but I always found it. Most of the time its taken a while to find my feet again even after I've found the path. Sometimes you can't win. Sometimes you just have to roll with the punches and get back up. Dare loves you my Angel. He can and will help you find yourself, just as he is meant to. Dare is your anchor as Chakotay is mine. You were just smart enough to figure it out a lot sooner. I imagine he's hurting for you, as I am."

The girl stood quietly her arms around her mother, trembling. They stood that way a long time both comforting and being comforted. Finally Ryn spoke, yet even as she did, she burrowed her head under Kathryn's chin. "I lied to him mom. I didn't show him all of it. I couldn't stand it, couldn't stand the thought that he might turn from me as I did myself."

Kathryn's heart sank as she waited. "What didn't you tell him Ryn?"

"That I... that I..." her voice broke on a sob and dropped to a whisper. "That I slept with him... willingly..."

She waited, waited for the other shoe to drop. "I don't understand Ryn. Kate said you were hurt during the exchange. They had to treat you in sickbay."

The girl nodded. "There were several... incidents... I made him believe I wanted him... that I had played his game. That it was all a game. I didn't tell Dare that part, or that I had encouraged them to take me rather than the others. I encouraged them." Ryn voice broke again on that word and Kathryn's heart broke even more.

She hugged the girl closer, her heart aching. "I think you are a bright, clever woman who did what she had to do to survive and to help others survive. You don't have it in you to let someone else be hurt when you have the power to stop it. It doesn't mean you wanted what happened. It doesn't make you a bad person because you encouraged them away from the others. For all that you regret and hate, you would not wish that on another.

"No, but it doesn't help the part of me that feels wrong for being part of it."

"We make a lot of choices, and if we are lucky, we can live with the consequences. I think you did what was best for you, even if it doesn't feel right, and I think Dare will feel that way too."

Ryn pulled back, gathering herself a bit more. "I'm scared Mom. More scared of this than I was in those caves. I have much more to lose here."

Kathryn stroked her arm. "All you can do is tell him all of it and accept his choice. Do you honestly think the man you love, that any of us who love you, could judge you harder than you yourself do? I did you an injustice somewhere my baby and I'm sorry. You are only pushing him away by not telling him. That hurts him more than anything. He needs to be there for you every bit as much as you need him."

Ryn glanced out at the water once more, her thoughts turning inward for a moment. "You're right, I do need to talk to him. If for nothing else than for an end to the worrying." She turned back to her mother and kissed her cheek. "Thank you."

Kathryn nodded. "I may not always show it Ryn, but I am proud of you, and I love you so much. I hope you will always feel that you can come to me. I may not like your choices, but I can respect them."

"I love you too Mom." She watched the door for a long time after Kathryn left before finally tapping her combadge. "Ryn to Dare"

"Yes?"

"I need to talk to you. Please meet me in Holodeck one at your conveince."

"I'll be there as soon as I put the girls to bed."

"Thank you."

~~~~~

Dare entered the holodeck, unsure what to expect. He had just finished putting the girls to bed, when he had been hailed by Ryn. Her voice had sounded a bit stranger than usual, husky like she had been crying, but also resolved and filled with a bit of the strength that had been missing the last time he had talked to her. She had asked him to come to the holodeck, telling him she needed to talk to him, that it was important. He had a feeling that it was probably something he didn't want to hear, but it didn't stop him. He knew her like no other, better than she knew herself. She was the other half of his soul. To him she was an open book, her highs and lows, written on her face like words on a page. They may need translation on occasion but they were there, and his as much as hers. She had kept something from him, edited her experiences. He had felt it as much as he had felt her anger and despair.

She stood there, leaning against the rail, staring out at a wild sea. Everything hinted at a storm on the horizon, but the rain had not yet begun to fall. He watched her, his eyes seeing beyond the small form, past the damp clothes to the heart that beat in time with his. Anger punched him suddenly nearly stealing his breath at the thought of all the challenges life threw their way. Never did he doubt their need to be so much as his own strength to protect her. Each time he failed, it stabbed deep into his heart. He knew she didn't blame him for his failures, rather she took them as her own and internalized them, and the constant hurdle of finding the self always seemed to jump up and trip them. He moved forward then, clearing his mind and being, being whatever she needed.

Ryn sighed as he moved up behind her. He hovered there like a shadow, waiting, watching as always. Suddenly she was cold, and tired, and afraid of being alone. She leaned back against him, absorbing the warmth of him.

It was her move, it was always her move. He rarely pushed when she in one of her moods, allowing her to find the outlet that would release them both. His arms slid around her and he pulled her close, kissing the top of her head. They stood like that for an eternity, waiting, allowing their hearts to slow and beat in sync. The silence changed from deafening to precious in the space of a heartbeat, and time stood still. She turned her head, allowing the sound of his heart to thrum in her ear. He rested his chin lightly on her head, surrounding her as gently as the wind. Another heartbeat, and another sigh, and the words slid forth. "I lied to you."

"I know."

She didn't move for a second, even breath had stopped. "I was afraid."

His eyes were closed, he was absorbing all of her. She could have made it easy, blessed him with a touch that shared all of her, but she needed to start this way, to make it possible for him to reject her, to make it easier on him. After all these years, how she could ever think this was easier he'd never know. He played along for the moment allowing her the time she needed. "Of what?"

Her breath whistled on a sob. "That you wouldn't want me anymore... not after what I did."

His arms tightened fractionally, his heart breaking. "There is only one thing that would push me away Ryn. That's you not wanting me, and then I would just die." He felt the tears fall against his arm and hugged her tighter. "You are my world, my center, my driving force. I'm simply a leaf in the wind, and you are that wind, guiding me on our journey, always together."

She released a sound somewhere between a chuckle and a sob. "That's how I feel about you, too. You are my anchor Dare, my base ... my home. I can survive anything as long as I know you are with me."

He kissed the top of her head. "That is our destiny love, our gift. We each find so much in the other that balances us, never really understanding that the other needs us just as much. That is part of being one, part of our driving force. Sometimes there are things that will jump up and try to separate us, but they have no more substance than a dream, because we will find a way to overcome any obstacle, together."

She nodded slightly, before turning toward him. "I need to show you all of it." Her hands came up to cup his face. She waited until he nodded and then she let go, all of it.

His tears flowed with hers as he watched her actions. It was more than that though, wave after wave of emotion rolled off her like rain, battering his senses. He ached for her, her pain, yet marveled at her strength and cunning. And he felt her shame, like a dagger straight in his heart. As the images stopped, he raised his own hands, kissing her damp cheeks, her eyes, her mouth. "You are the bravest, most beautiful woman I have ever known. Each day I thank the powers that be that you exist and are in my life as my partner and my friend." Her mouth opened on a soft O of surprise, words lost to her. He smiled gently. "I'm proud you're my wife, and the mother of my children. I love you more today than I did when we first met, every day its stronger. I wish I could feed it to you, show you as you do me. You are my soul Ryn and my heart."

She curled her arms around his neck, feeling the truth of his words with every beat of his heart. He was hers, the best of everything she knew. She glanced up at him, eyes meeting eyes. "I love you Dare." The words held everything, hope and promise, and infinite love. He did the only thing he could think of, and kissed her.

The soft whisper of breath against his mouth in its simple "yes" started his heart into overdrive. He pulled her closer feeling her body mesh to his. His hands automatically sweeping down her back to her bottom. Reason popped forth as she stiffened a bit against him. It was only for a moment, but it was like a slap to the face. His Ryn, his heart, had been hurt and he was groping her like a love starved teenager. He pulled back, an apology on his lips, but she would have none of it. Her hands made a descent, wrapping around his back, as she pushed herself against him. Her eyes were warm and inviting. She kissed him lightly, her voice almost timid. "I need you Dare. I need you to remind me of who we are together, to help me feel clean and new, and yours again. I need you to help me forget, and help me remember."

His eyes locked with hers for a long moment, concern for her health outweighing the desire dragging at him. "I don't want to hurt you."

She pulled back a moment, uncertainty flashing across her face. "Do you want me?" She was ignoring the obvious signs, going straight for the heart.

"Sweet blessings, YES." His eyes closed at the thought. Desire swamping him.

She moved forward again, her tongue lapping at the corners of his mouth. "Then take me. You could never hurt me Dare, and I want you too."

His mouth closed over hers in that instant, all thought for the moment obliterated in her choice. His tongue swept deep, soothing and stroking, gentle yet branding nonetheless. As her eyes fluttered closed, he broke the kiss. He waited until she met his gaze again and once he read the certainty there, he smiled, a possessive, all male smile. "Computer engage privacy lock." She blinked briefly as it dawned on her where they were. He saw that moment of hesitation and kissed her again. This one soft and coaxing. "Change your mind?"

She blinked again and then smiled herself. As her tongue darted out to moisten her lips, she shook her head. "No."

His next kiss was quick, a short smack on the mouth. "Good." His eyes darkened briefly. “Then take me Ryn. All of me, as little or as much as you want.”

Her breath caught in her throat, and then she was moving forward, her hands sliding down his chest to the front closure of his pants, cupping him. She fumbled with the fastening for a moment before freeing him. Dropping to her knees, she waited, holding him firmly, yet gently in her hand. She raised her eyes to his and licked her lips once more. As her warm breath slid over him, his own stuttered. Each word was punctuated by a warm lap of her tongue. "I... want ... it ... all... Dare..."

His fingers twined in her hair, his eyes closed in pleasure as he nodded his ascent. The warmth of her mouth closed over him, driving him forward on a wave of lust and love so strong it nearly toppled him. As wave after wave washed over him, he marveled at her yet again. This was his heart, and she was amazing. Even as his body tensed at the soft pull of her mouth, he tried to pull her up, to stop her so that they could travel that road together. She refused to budge, instead she hummed a no against him, sending shivers down his spine, refusing to move until he was spent, and sagging against the rail. Her hands continued to soothe him as she dropped back into her kneeling position. Her beautiful face was wreathed in a satisfied smile. He was nearly overwhelmed at her gift. Smiling down at her, still dazed, he gripped her arms and dragged her slowly up his body. She offered no resistance, only a satisfied smirk. He couldn't resist hugging her, and showering her face with little kisses. And then her mouth was meshed to his again. The taste of her held a taste of him and the knowledge of what they were once again went to his head, and then he was kissing her for all he was worth. He swept her against him, the move both possessive and protective, gentle even in his desire.

As his hands swept her clothes away, his mouth followed, lingering on the side of her neck, the curve of a breast, a flushed nipple. Her sighs of pleasure motivated him. His name chanted on her lips heartened him, and as he swept her pants away, he lifted her, setting her on the rail. She blinked for a moment, but as his hands gently spread her thighs and dipped into the warmth between them, her eyes drifted closed once more and her head fell back in abandon.

One arm wrapped around her waist, supporting her as his head dipped, tongue tracing a taunt nipple. He suckled gently, lightly scraping with teeth, encouraged by each sound, all sounds indicating her pleasure. Lightly his lips slid to the side of her breast, and slowly back to the curve where her neck and shoulder met. He laved the area with his tongue before closing his lips over the tender spot and increasing the suction. It lasted only a moment, and then he was soothing the spot once more with his tongue.

Somehow in the movement and flow of time and pleasure he had discarded his own clothes, or perhaps she had in her need, but now he stood before her, gloriously naked and aroused. Ryn watched him through half closed eyes, marveling at the strength and grace of his body. He moved forward his body now between her legs, his arousal butting against her center. A brief flash entered her head and she shuddered without conscious thought. He felt it though and paused, his body poised on entrance. His hands slid up cupping her face, waiting until her eyes met his. The question there soothed her as no words could. For all his need, hers came first. She sighed and pulled him close. Her mouth closed gently over his, her tongue searching the depths of his mouth. His name whispered against his lips. He broke the kiss a moment to catch his breath, his head resting against hers, his hands sliding up and down her back in a soothing gesture as he sought control. Her hands slid over his chest and back up to his shoulders. She was nearly even with him on this rail, her body open and giving, as open as her soul. As his eyes locked with hers, he saw her truth. She wasn't trapped in a nightmare any longer, she was his again. His hands once again began a gentle trek over her body. He wrapped them around her again and shifted them both so that she was braced against a smooth beam on the corner of the pier. His eyes locked with hers again as he nudged her thighs further apart, and began a trail of fire down her body until his mouth was poised at her center. His eyes never left hers as his fingers began a gentle massage of silken thighs, dipping in briefly to tease the soft hair there, only to slid back out to her outer thighs, before returning and teasing a bit further. Her breath caught and released sounding labored with each move, as she watched and waited. A soft gasp echoed through her as his warm breath tickled over her flesh. Finally after an agonizing eternity, he dropped his gaze to the treasure before him, his tongue reaching out and stroking the soaked flesh. A keening wail echoed on the breeze as his mouth closed over her. Her smiled against her, and then feasted as if starved. He continued to work her with his mouth and fingers through the rise of each peak, only to pull back at the last moment and deny her release. Her fingers tugged at his hair, her head rolling side to side against the post, and still he played, driving her need for him higher and higher, until everything was lost but the two of them together.

Her fingers tugged again, a loud gasping sob tearing from her as he pulled away yet again. "Dare please!" Her voice a contradiction of need and frustration. She tried to pitch herself forward, but he stopped her by standing in a graceful move. She thudded against his chest with a groan, her hands moving automatically to fist in his hair as she pulled him to her and ravished his mouth with her own. The need and the urgency was mimicked in the stroke of her tongue. One hand slid down his body, tangling almost roughly in his pubic hair. She tugged, trying to pull him closer. His fingers tangled in hers and he drew her hand up and kissed it before placing it on his shoulder. He waited until her eyes locked with his and then he slid home. A soft breath hissed out of her and for a moment he thought he had hurt her. He stopped, barely able to keep from moving as he waited for her next move. She growled, leaning forward and biting his lower lip. "If you stop now I'll kill you."

He smiled against her words and continued, his hands coming up to support her back as he drew out and slid forward again. Once more her breath hissed out, and then her nails were digging into his back and she was urging him faster and deeper, her legs wrapping around his waist and changing the tilt of contact. He did the only thing he could, he obliged her, and himself in the process until she shattered around him in a series of groans and sighs and whispers of his name. His own release crashed upon him, stealing the strength from his limbs. He gathered her close against him, lifting her from the supporting brace. Their bodies continued to spasm together as he sank slowly the ground. He turned in his descent so that his back was to the beam and she was draped across his lap, two still one as they held one another, absorbing the essence of each.

Ryn sagged against him, tucking her head under his chin. Once again her world felt right. She knew it wasn't perfect and that things were a long way from all right, but this time was hers and Dare's and no one could intrude upon it. She smiled again, placing a light kiss on his chest, enjoying the soothing stroke of his hands against her flesh.

Dare absorbed the moment, content until the feel and smell of her woke him once more and once more he began the gradual taste and touch of her body until she was his again.

Part 6