NC-17   Balance of Power   by Kadi and Kat

Ryn entered her quarters with a sigh. She took a moment to allow the smells and sounds to absorb into her system. The room was dark, lit only by starlight shining in through the small view port. The girls had beamed back to Voyager with Kes, Phoebe, Kol and the toddlers in tow. Kadi and Kat were focused on comparing the sensor scans from the Hope with the ones from the Voyagers. Phoebe was going over to talk to the Doctor and get a comprehensive accounting of her sister’s injuries as well as looking into the task Ryn had given her. Kes had taken the girls over at Hope’s request, so Kate and Tay could see them. Kadi and Kat had insisted that their family would love to meet them as well. They had tried to talk Kol into coming over so that he and Jonah could meet, but the young man, like his sister was on the shy side, and insisted he had duties to attend to first. It had taken a quiet request from his twin, insisting that she needed his help with the toddlers before he relent. Hope was taken with all of them and was certain her parents would be as well.

The view port drew her attention as she allowed herself to truly relax for the first time in days. She had a few ideas running through her head that she needed to sort out. She tried to focus on the issues at hand, however the fact that she was near Dare again kept interrupting her flow. With another sigh, she blanked her mind and allowed the worries and fears to enter. She hated the necessity of it but sometimes the only way to get them to leave was to allow them temporary reign. A moment of weakness washed through her at the various memories. Sagging against the view port, she allowed the fear and pain to creep in. It held her so tightly that she failed to notice the doors of her quarters opening or the tears that slid unheeded down her cheeks. One thought kept battering her consciousness, ‘how am I going to tell Dare?’ A small scream ripped from her throat as a hand clasped her shoulder. She dropped into a defensive crouch, already swinging, her mind trapped in the moment.

Dare’s quick reflexes were the only thing that kept him from getting hurt as Ryn turned on him. His only thought as he had approached her was ending the horrible sadness on her face. He had known the minute he met her eyes that something had damaged her spirit, but he wasn’t certain what. Her quickly slipped into a defensive posture himself as she continued her attack. Her eyes were blind now, nothing but fear and fury radiating from them. The hunted expression tugged at him. He had seen in once, many years ago, when she had returned from her captivity by Perel. She had shared with him those experiences and still suffered from nightmares occasionally, but they were rare now. The blind rage in her eyes alarmed him more than he thought possible and he knew he was seeing a repeat. He knew what had happened to her as surely as if she had told him. His approach was as it had always been. He lifted his hands in a gesture of surrender, his voice calm as he spoke to her. He continued to dodge her strikes and continued to talk, hoping the sound of his voice would draw her back to herself. As his legs were kicked out from under him, he knew he had to react. He snatch a small blanket off the sofa and threw it at her. The blanket tangled around her arms, disorienting her for a moment. As she struggled free of it, he rolled to his feet and tackled her, twisting so that she landed on him rather than he on her. The tightness of his arms around her body and the blanket now covering her face sent Ryn into a screaming growl. She twisted and writhed like a fury, nails trying to scratch, feet kicking, teeth biting. Dare rolled then pinning her under him, trying to trap her hands and feet in an effort to protect himself and her. He knew instantly that this wasn’t his best move as her mouth opened again on a silent scream and her body convulsed under his. All sound and struggled stopped as she froze under him, trapped not only by his body, but her own mind. Panic flashed through him. This was worse in many ways. Before she had had the Arion to help her heal. She had never been this lost to him. She wasn’t responding, wasn’t anything, lost in her own personal hell. He released her slowly, afraid of her lack of response. The body slowly relaxed, but the eyes remained locked open. He reached over and shook her but got no response. He slapped lightly at her face and again nothing, not even a blink. He stood then, his body trembling. Leaning down, he scooped her into his arms and carried her into the bathroom. His bypassed the sonic aspect of the shower and turned on a water spray. He adjusted it to a cold setting and stepped in, Ryn still cradled in his arms, both of them fully clothed. The icy spray caused him to suck in his breath sharply. He shifted so that it splashed Ryn in the face.

She jerked as the water flowed over her, coughing as it splashed her nose and mouth. The icy water shocked her back to herself and forced her to pay attention to her breathing. She focused on that, and then trying to turn away from it. The water slowly brought her back. She recognized it for what it was and then she recognized the hard, warm male body holding her. A moment of panic washed over her and then the soft familiar voice soothed her fears as she recognized them. It was a constants litany of “Come back to me sweetheart, I love you, come back to me.”

She glanced up as he shifted her again. Her eyes meet Dare’s briefly before shying away. She nestled her face into his neck, her arms twining tightly around him as she shook with both cold and embarrassment.

He shifted her once again and turned the spray warmer, erasing the chill. His arm slid from under her legs and she slid down until she was standing on shaky legs. She refused to let him go, so he wrapped his arms around her tightly and held her. After several long minutes he pushed her from him and captured her chin in one large hand, gently forcing her face up until her eyes met his again. Brown met with blue briefly before skittering away again. Dare was persistent. “Ryn, what the hell happened back there.”

“I... not... Dare... I...” Unable to move her head she simply closed her eyes, blocking out the site of him.

His hand slid from her chin and grasped her shoulder giving her a light shake. As her eyes met his again he cupped her cheeks. “Tell me.”

A soft sob forced its way forward and she raised her hands slowly until they rested on his wrists. “I can’t... too much... too tired...” each phrase punctuated with a sob.

“Sweetheart please? I can’t help you if I don’t know.”

She was ghostly pale and shivering despite the steam that rose around them in the shower. She nodded then, wearily. “Show you...” Her eyes locked with his and this time a hesitant jumble of images spilled forth.

Dare could tell she was holding something from him. She gave him just enough to fill in his earlier suspicions and little more. Her could also feel the waves of shame rolling off her as if they were punches directly to his gut. She shared her first crossing, meeting the twins, beaming to the planet, the fear from the fire, waking nearly naked and chained in a cold cell. The images skimmed over her first removal from the cell and her meeting with Osei in a flash almost like a still life picture. He then saw her returning with the knife and freeing the others and the second jump, then she released him. The loss of contact was startling at first and then he noticed her standing before him, her head down. The images were hard to reconcile, he had seen he bruised and battered, felt her fear and shame and anger as if they were physical things, but she had not shown it all to him. He caught her chin again and lifted her face once more. His voice was soft and he felt her shudder yet again. “You were raped?”

She jerked her chin from his grasp and stared at the combadge on his wet uniform. Her arms wrapped around herself in a protective gesture, as if she were holding herself in. “You doubt it?”

“No.” He pulled her close then and rested his chin on the top of her head. “But I needed you to confirm it. I needed to know for sure.”

Her voice was whispery soft. “Why?”

“Because I need to know where we are right now. You didn’t show me and I hoped...”

“I couldn’t... it...” she shook her head as if to clear it. Softly she sighed her arms once more wrapping around him. “I couldn’t.”

He nodded. “I know.” And he waited. After several more long moments he pulled away from her smiling down at her sadly. “I think we are about as wet as we are going to get. What do you say we get dried off? You look like you could use some rest.”

She nodded allowing him to guide her from the shower and strip her like a child. He dried her off gently. Lightly toweling her hair before wrapping her in yet another thick towel. She stumbled as he guided her from the bathroom, so he scooped her up and deposited her in the rocking chair in their room. Her total complacency frightened him almost as much as her panic had. He couldn’t remember the last time she had been this subdued. Her vulnerability reminded him of the girls. He ran a finger down her cheek. At the move she looked up and he smiled tenderly. “I’m going to get you a cup of tea and put on some dry clothes. I’ll be right back.” She just nodded, her eyes somber. It shook him to his soul and he felt rage at the injustice of it begin to build. He took a minute to gather dry clothes and headed into the other room. When he returned a few minutes later he carried a cup of tea into which he had added a small sedative. He padded over to her barefoot, clad only in his trousers. She was right where he had left her. He knelt in front of her and pressed the cup into her hands. “Drink.” She blinked and lifted the cup to her lips. He bit back a curse and spun to his feet and from her, trying not to notice as she flinched. With each step the anger built, not at her but at the bastards who had hurt her. He stalked to the dresser and pulled out a nightgown. The had dispensed with the use of them for the most part, as they both preferred to sleep naked, but he felt it might offer her a sense of protection. He managed to pull himself under control as he turned back toward her. He knelt in front of her again, removing the empty cup from her hands. He smiled at her and drew her to her feet, standing with her. She stood there, confusion all over her face as she watched him. Slowly, he removed the towels. As they fell away she began to shiver again. Dare cursed silently under his breath and drew the nightgown over her unresisting form. Once she was covered, he picked her up again and placed her on the bed. Her eyes widened as he tucked the covers around her and crawled in next to her. Cuddling her close, he kissed her ear. “Go to sleep.” Her eyes obediently closed and he held her until the shudders stopped and her breathing evened out.

~~~~~~

The messhall was oddly empty with the exception of the Captain and her cross dimensional guests. The four Kathryn’s sat on one side of the table, across from the four Chakotay’s. Chak had taken the other’s up on their offer of a drink and had stayed for the camaraderie. Kathy had stayed for a while as well before finally giving in to her sense of duty and heading back over to her ship. The three older women had been sure it had more to do with the two little girls that had conviently been deposited in her and Chak’s lap when Hope and the twins had entered the messhall. She had held little Kaelynn for nearly an hour, studying the innocent sleeping little face with something akin to longing and wonder. Aerynn had been passed to Chak and he too watched the child with fascination. Amazingly the child had been content to be held and had even dozed in his arms for a time. Finally Kaelynn had awakened, and stared up at the woman with curious brown eyes. As the child snuggled closer, it spawned Kathy into action. She passed the child to Kate, muttering excuses about needing to get back to her ship. Chak too had stood, prepared to pass his guest along as well when the little imp reached up, patted his cheeks and demand imperiously “ki.” He looked around helplessly as the child repeated her demand until her grandfather calmly explained that she wanted a kiss. Uncertain, Chak kissed the little girl. He could of sworn she sighed in frustration before she twisted toward her grandfather. He took her and gave her several kisses and raspberries before passing her over to Tay. He then convince Chak to sit back down and relax. With a quick glance at Kathy to see if it was okay, he did.

Hope had entered the messhall first followed by Kat and Kadi, each carrying one of the little cherubs. The twins filled with mischief had calmly deposited an infant into the arms of the younger command team before taking seats next to their mother. Kate’s breath caught in her throat as the girls were followed by a tall young man and a girl identical to Hope in almost every way. Kalin’s head snapped up as well as he looked between the two. He caught his wife’s hand and drew her into his lap. His grin was a bit mischievous as he whispered “She looks just as you did when I first met you.”

Hope’s eyes narrowed and she punched him in the arm. “You better not make any similar plans mister.”

He adopted a mock hurt expression before leering at her wolfishly. “I’m not into teenagers anymore Hope. I prefer a grown woman, particularly the mother of my children, but damn it brings back some really good memories.”

She smiled appeased and kissed him. As her father drew a chair around for her, she made the introductions. Kes and Kol acknowledged the greetings. Kol sat next to his father and Kes next to him. As they got comfortable, Kol glanced at his dad. “Phoebe is in sickbay talking to Doc, she’ll be down in a bit.”

When Jonah entered the messhall he stopped short and grinned. He walked over and offered his hand to Kol. “I don’t know your name sir, but you’ve just given me hope for the future.”

Kadi laughed, spewing her drink on the table while Kat stood and clapped her brother on the shoulder. “See you can tell Lanna to lay off the miracle grow. You don’t need it.” She glanced down and tugged at the belt loop in his trousers, “Do you?”

He slapped her hand away and scowled. “No! Not that it’s any of your business. Besides Lanna isn’t complaining.” He then introduced himself, settling into an in depth conversation with Kol and Kes on Voyager’s arboretum.

The conversation was light and cheerful, with rounds of laughter erupting. Shortly after Kathy’s departure, the toddlers began to fuss. As Phoebe walked in, Kes and Kol collected the girls and headed over to their Voyager. She explained that their arboretum had been set up with a play area for the girls so she could keep and eye on them while she worked. When asked why she watched the children, she explained that she and Kol often helped out with the children aboard Voyager. They enjoyed it. Jonah got permission and joined them, excited to see the differences.

Phoebe introduced herself to those she didn’t know before dropping into the chair next to her dad. She tipped her head back, closed her eyes and sighed. “Temporal paradoxes give me a headache.”

This was followed by another round of giggles and a series of “Here, here.” Eventually the conversation resumed as if it had never been interrupted, with everyone playing an active part.

~~~~~

Dare checked on Ryn once more after he finished dressing. Each moment that had passed had been one more that his temper flared. Certain she was asleep, he notified the bridge that he was beaming over to Voyager to join the others. He left explicit instructions that Ryn not be disturbed. All problems were to be forwarded to him. He also placed a privacy lock on the door. It was rare that they had to worry about it but he liked covering all the bases. Satisfied that he had done all he could. He contacted the twin’s Voyager and beamed over. A quick check with the computer told him what he needed to know and he stalked to the messhall.

As the doors slid open, Kalin looked up. His eyes met Dare’s and there was an instant recognition in his eyes. Fury emanated from the man as he came toward him. Kalin never dropped his gaze, he understood immediately the conflict the younger man was going through. Slowly he raised his hand and touched Hope’s arm. As she glanced up she gasped, shocked at the rage emanating from Dare. Her small sound caught the attention of the twins. Kat’s eyes widened in alarm as Kadi, recognizing the look if not the cause muttered “Oh shit!” Her words alerted the others and suddenly all conversation stopped, their attention riveted on the man storming toward them. Katie glanced at her husband briefly, both of them shocked at the change in the mild-mannered son-in-law.

Dare didn’t even pause. He recognized Kalin as his best source of information. His fists slammed down on the table. “Tell me you killed the bastard that raped my wife!”

Kalin placed his hand on Dare’s arm and nodded. Though the words had only taken seconds to be spoken, Tay stood and moved behind Dare, his hands grasping the younger man’s shoulders in a mixture of support, restraint and comfort. “If he hadn’t I would have.”

A bit of the red haze cleared from Dare’s eyes as he nodded. “Tell me.”

Kalin scowled. “He’s wearing a smile from ear to ear, and it isn’t on his lips.”

Katie gasped at the vicious description. “What the hell are talking about?”

Kate clasped her hand. “We are talking about your daughter and the violent sexual assault she survived.”

Katie stood quickly almost knocking over her chair. Her husband stood, catching her wrapping his arms around her, his face almost as pale as hers as she shook her head in denial. “No! It’s not possible. Ryn has shown no signs of a sexual assault. She hasn’t acted any differently.”

Her husband hugged her tighter but before he could speak, Dare blew. “What the hell would you know about it? You sure as hell ignored the signs the first time it happened, how in the hell would even begin to notice them when it happened again?”

Tay’s grip on Dare’s shoulders tightened and Kalin stood slowly. Hope too moved closer to Dare, hoping her presence might calm him some.

Katie stared at him in shock, not certain how to respond, but her head was still moving in the negative. Kate moved in front of her and caught her eye. “Think about it a minute Kathryn. Would you honestly show your crew anything out of the ordinary? Face it, we are damned good at hiding our feelings and putting on our professional face. Your daughter is exactly like you. Would you let the outside world know your pain? God knows I didn’t.”

Katie sagged against her husband. A ragged “Oh God” spilling forth. He lowered himself into his chair and dragged his wife into his lap. Their eyes were tortured as they watched the others, waiting for the rest.

Dare sagged suddenly, all rage leaving him. If Tay and Kalin hadn’t been supporting him he would have fallen. They quickly maneuvered him into a chair as Kathryn placed a drink in front of him. He sighed, his eyes closing. “I need to know all of it.” His hand swiped over his face, noticing a scratch on cheek. He rubbed the spot a moment and pulled back blood spotted fingers, staring at them in confusion.

Hope knelt before him. “Dare, what happened? Where’s Ryn?”

His eyes were dark with hurt as he looked at her. “I knew something was wrong the minute she got off the transporter padd, but she’s Ryn. She let me know in her own way that she’d tell me later. After everyone left I checked to see if she was still on board and discovered she was in our quarters, so I went to check on her. She was just standing there, leaning against the view port. Gods...” Hope squeezed his fingers. “These tears were just pouring down her cheeks, and she didn’t seem to notice.” His words changed a bit then. “Ryn doesn’t cry much, and she doesn’t like to be weak. It’s like she has to prove that she’s strong emotionally and physically. When she does break down it’s usually filled with anger and noisy tears and gut wrenching sobs, like once the wall crumbles every piece of it that hits the ground does personal damage. Then she pulls together and we discuss it, usually with lot of yelling, as if the fighting helps to build her back up again, then we make up. But this... this was horrible. It was like she was broken and every bit of her soul was leaking out.” Katie’s breath caught on a sob and her husband hugged her closer as Dare continued. “I couldn’t help myself. I had to bring her back so I touched her. I just placed my hand on her arm and she flipped.” He glanced at Hope, tears in his eyes. “At first I thought it was just her, fighting out her anger. Hell its not uncommon, she has the temper of a Klingon and sometimes the easiest way to get through it is to let her expend that energy. She’s never tried to hurt me and it works for us.” He ran both hands through his hair. “But this time... spirits... this time she wanted to kill. There was nothing in her eyes but blind terror. She was growling like a wild animal. I couldn’t think of anything to do to stop her. I was so scared she would hurt herself that I tackled her and pinned her down to restrain her. If I thought she had flipped before, I had no idea. She was screaming and crying and fighting me with everything she had, and then she just stopped. Suddenly all that fight and terror was gone and she laid there like she was dead and I honestly didn’t know what to do.” His hands came up to cover his face and he slouched down, barely noticing the constant support of Tay at his right and Kalin at his left. After several deep breaths he looked up, his eyes locking with his father-in-law’s. “It seemed to take forever to get her to open up to me. She shared some of it but I knew she was holding back. She showed me that you were captured, that she was taken away, and that she came back for you, but she hid everything else and the whole time I could feel her emotions battering at me. I had to sedate her and tuck her into bed like a child. I didn’t dare leave her until she was asleep.” He paused then to take another breath, this time looking back at Hope. “The first time was bad enough, and that was after the Arion had started the healing. This, this is raw and draining and I don’t know how to deal with it... especially when she won’t open up to me.” He leaned back. He caught Kalin’s arm and drew him forward so he could look at him. “She knows its not her fault. Damnit we’ve been down this road. I know there is something else.”

Kalin sat again and studied Dare for a long moment. “There are some things that only Ryn can tell you.” He glanced at Katie, before looking back at Dare. “From what we witnessed, there were multiple assaults. Ryn was taken from us twice and both times she was gone several hours. The first time she came back bruised, bloodied and battered. The second time you could see it in her soul.”

Kate moved then, one hand resting on Katie and the other on the man who held her. Finally she spoke, her voice heavy with tears. “She... she tried to protect us, me, Hope and the twins. She accessed the situation almost immediately and acted in the only way she could live with. She was the only one they took.”

Dare sighed and closed his eyes. The only sound in the room was the soft sobs echoing from Katie and the occasional sniffle from the twins.

Kat curled into her father as reality crashed in on her. She was suddenly very afraid for her new sister. Chakotay held her close, hurting for Ryn, but grateful his girls had been spared. Kadi was the first to move. She walked over to Dare on shaky legs and stood in front of him waiting for him to look at her. Hope wrapped an arm around her in support. Finally she spoke. “Dare?” When he glanced up she gave him a sad smile. “Ryn was sure you could put her back together again. She said you were her center and that you could rebuild her just as you had before. If you can’t help her, who can?”

He looked shell-shocked as he absorbed her words. He took a moment to look at each person in the room. Both Kadi and Kat were questioning him, as were Ryn‘s parents, but there was hope there too. In Kalin, Hope, Tay, and Kate he found unwavering confidence, and it was enough to help him answer her questions. “I’ll help her Kadi. Somehow she and I will rebuild ourselves, and maybe, just maybe, we will come out a bit stronger for it.”

He stood then and was surprised when Tay pulled him into a hug. “There is always a way to rebuild if you love each other.”

He nodded certain of that if nothing else. “I... Thank you.” He smiled sadly. “I need to check on Ryn. Even sedated she doesn’t sleep long.”

Phoebe stood also. “I’ll come with you, maybe I can run a few scans while she’s sleeping, just to make sure she’s okay and then I can patch you up.”

Dare nodded again, almost smiling. “Make it quick if you do, or she’ll kick your ass for running them without her permission.”

Phoebe snorted. “I’ll just tell her you sedated her for me so I could. Then it’ll be your butt that’s in a sling.”

He took her hand and led her to from the room. “I certainly hope so. Then again I’ll just tell her who I got it from.”

Phoebe gave him a mock grin. “Just try it buster and I’ll pay you back big time.”

He chuckled, his first real chuckle of the night. “Mmmhmmm.” He glanced back and bid everyone “goodnight.”

“Oh Dare.” He turned at Kathryn’s call. “I’m going to postpone the meeting until later tonight, say 8:30. We’ll have the meeting and then some dinner. We’ll see you there?” At his nod, she told Kadi to contact the younger Voyager and tell them of the change in plans. She then notified her senior staff of the changes as well.

She glanced at Kate. “Suddenly, I’m exhausted.”

Kate nodded her arms still supporting her counterparts. “Yup. I’m too old for this shit.”

The rest of the group gave an empathic “Here, here!”

Tay hugged his daughter and shared a knowing look with Kalin. “Why don’t you guys get some rest. Your mom and I are gonna hang with them for a while.”

The group dispersed quickly after that. Chakotay and Kathryn escorted the others to the transporter room and beamed them over to the other ship. As they left the transporter room, Chakotay twined his fingers with his wife’s. “It is hard to believe that its just a little past two. It seems like a lifetime.”

She nodded, squeezing his fingers. “It is... in its own way.” He nodded in agreement, allowing the companionable silence to follow them to their quarters.

As they materialized on the transporter pad, Tay wrapped an arm around his twin. “Ya know, we never did decide what to call you. Dunce number four doesn’t seem to fit.”

The other man tried but the smile never reached his eyes. “I don’t suppose it really matters at this point.”

Tay glanced at his wife before looking back. “Well, why don’t we settle for Chakkers when we are all together.” At his snort, Tay continued. “But we can use Our full name when there are just two of us.” Seeing the ghost smile, Tay stopped joking. “I know where you are right now my friend. Come on, we need to talk.”

Kate took a moment to collect Katie, guiding her to the ready room, the Captain’s private quarters. “I think the guys have the right idea. Let’s talk.”

TBC

Part 5